Am outraged at this fixing!

The 49th match in IPL 2012 between Mumbai Indians and Chennai Super Kings was fixed! There, I said it.

There is nothing else that would have had more impact and would get the point across of what this blog is about than the first line. Yes, the match was fixed. Believe me you. I was right there witnessing the match in action sitting there right from ball one. 

Having won tickets through a radio channel who were proud to be associated with a team that boasts of the supposed God of cricket, it comes as a big surprise that God listens to only a couple of people's prayers.

I will tell you how it all began. 

I was super excited to be going for a cricket match after a long time and was really looking forward to this game. It promised to be a high-scoring affair with two of the big stars-laden teams in the competition. Both had a point to prove and a long standing rivalry. I was happily cheering the Mumbai bowlers as well as applauding some of the crisp shots by the Chennai batsmen. I am someone who enjoys cricket and is highly passionate about it. I live cricket, I talk cricket. As far as I can remember there hasn't been a day since 1996 when I have slept without having a minimum of 30 mins of cricket in the day for me. Be it in the way of watching it or playing it or reading about it or talking about it. Cricket is, and I am not exaggerating, life for 

me. 

I was happily enjoying the match sitting at Level 3 of the Sachin Tendulkar stand looking at what seemed like an interesting encounter. Somewhere during the match these two gentlemen came and sat besides me. Before them there were a couple of people who came, sat there for a while and shifted later. That's why when these two guys came I did not pay much heed to it. It was around the 9th or the 10th over that the first guy, whom from now on we will refer to as the 'fixer', spoke to his friend. He casually suggested that Mumbai will be chasing 175 runs for victory. I overheard it and was smiling at his confident prediction. I ignored it as just another fan prediction but did tell my friend about the supposed score! Both of us joked how he is a fixer and is probably telling the right score. 

As the first innings got over, somehow Mumbai did manage to restrict CSK to 173 giving them a target of 174. Pretty close, huh! Was our first reaction. But again we rubbished the thought of him being a fixer as it could have been a coincidence. Later, when MI came into bat we suddenly saw him looking at his iPhone every now and then and looking a bit restless. We assumed it was the hunger, the heat and the seating that were causing the restlessness. 

He then called up someone and was intensely discussing the game. He would be overjoyed at some occasions  and quiet on some. Would stand up and applaud if CSK got a wicket and at the same time would also show some appreciation for the boundaries hit by Mumbai. Since he was wearing a blue t-shirt I assumed his loyalties were for Mumbai. But he could just be wearing a blue t-shirt to play safe or may be did not even think about it. 

Anyway, as time passed his actions were getting weirder. He would mimic the IPL tune that the DJs would keep playing. He would cheer on Sachin and ridicule the bowlers when they would get hit. 

Here comes the moment of truth: Come the last three overs of the game, Mumbai was losing control of the game. Losing wickets and not scoring runs. This fixer was still smiling. Then he suddenly got a phone call and I tried to overhear him. He repeated what he was hearing,'Kya, is over mein abhi six lagega?' I heard and instantly turned towards my friends to share what I thought could be vital info. Just at that moment, while I was turning to share the news, I saw Dwayne Smith hitting the bowler for a six towards mid-wicket. Me and my friend both jumped for joy and were somehow laughing at how the fixer's prediction came true. 

By now we were sure he was involved somehow. Either had bet some money or was talking to some fixer. The overs were passing and his volume lowered. With an over to go and 16 to get off it, some people started leaving the ground. Just then, he stopped this family and said, "Ruk jao yaar, Mumbai Indians jeetega, guaranteed." 

Me and my friend we both looked at each other and shared a grin. As we turned around we saw him leaving the ground with a big smirk on his face. Confident as if he had seen it all. Then came the Hilfenhaus over. The man whom the MI guys could not score much off. The man who bowled a toe-crusher to get rid of Malinga of the second ball. With 4 balls left and 15 to get, we had given up. But were hoping that the fixer's prediction comes true. 3 balls to go now and 14 to get, we had by all means given up hope and were staring at yet another defeat for MI. But the fixers had a deal, in comes Hilfenhaus and bowls a full-toss. Smith hits it for a six towards long on, we were jumping in the stands as were the thousand other  MI fans. Smith had given us a glimmer of hope. Two balls later, MI had won, Smith had done the unexpected, CSK had lost a game that was theirs for the taking. 

The only picture in my head was of the fixer who left with a smirk and a confident around him knowing that the team he had chosen, may be, had won, before the game was complete.

I was shattered, outraged, disgusted. I still am. 

He was never no.1, always India's no.3 batsman!

He never was India's no.1 batsman and never can be. He was and shall remain India's no.3 batsman.

He was India's best no.3! Ever!

It's the end of an era. The wall has left. Rahul Dravid has retired from all domestic and international cricket for good. He leaves behind what is a Rahul Dravid of a hole! 16 glorious years of Test cricket, One Day cricket and a one-off T20. He has given us infinite memorable moments.

223* at Adelaide, 180 At Kolkata, 145 at Taunton, that quickfire 53 off 22 balls, those two slam-bam towering sixes in his only T20 appearance! The man has time and again done what many other greats could not. Face the toughest of situations with a straight bat. From once being labelled as a Test-match only cricketer to being picked up in the T20 side in 2011, to scoring India's second fastest fifty to captaining the side to wins in Pakistan and West Indies to keeping wickets in 2002-03 just to get the balance right and play with an extra batsman. Rahul, err...Sir Rahul Dravid has done and seen each and everything he could in his tenure as a cricketer for India.

I remember how at one point of time, kids playing in the building would ridicule batsman who played slowly by calling them Rahul Dravid. It was a synonym for batsman who cannot score runs quickly. It is very important in building cricket to be able to score runs quickly. To not waste any balls and get off strike if you cannot hit the big ones.

From that to now any player who can give a straight bat to the fastest delivery hurled at you and manage to drop it dead right next to the bat and be called Rahul Dravid and be respected for it, things have come a long way. Tables have turned. From being hated for 'boring' people in Test Matches to people longing for guys like him in the team.


I remember how I myself would look at Sir Rahul Dravid when he would come to the crease and score his 152 ball-50! He would bring the run-rate down from 4+ to just hovering around 3. He would tire the bowlers by showing them the 'Britannia' bat! Only for players like Sachin, Mongia, Sehwag, Azharuddin, etc to run amok in the last session and the last hour before end of day's play. Who will do that now?

A lot of the Indian fans must be wondering who will take his place and who will survive in tough situations like the ones we have faced in England, West Indies, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. Do we have any batsman half as talented as Sir Rahul Dravid? We are scared to admit but we will be worried every time a new no.3 steps out on the crease. We will all secretly are waiting for his son to be big enough to be taller than the stumps and willing to play for the national team.

He has got statistics all on his side, 164 tests, 13288 runs, 210 catches in tests, 10,000+ runs in ODIs, 93 test appearances without a break, and the list goes on and on and on. One list which he most definitely is not the most proud of must be the nervous 90s list. In his early days in Test cricket, Sir Rahul Dravid would often get out in the 90s. Not that he had a fear for them or would act nervous and edgy, but it just was so that he was too unlucky at times. At one point of time he had 9 90 plus scores and had equalled Steve Waugh for the batsman with the most 90s.

The fact that he did end up getting 36 is a testimony to the patience and perseverance of this guy. Add those 9 90 plus scores which so easily could have been hundreds and you have a number that is even more impressive.

Well, we can go on and on about his achievements and his victorious knocks and memorable matches. And to be frank there are hundreds of writers who will do that. Taking a note out of Sir Rahul Dravid's book I shall call it quits before someone else asks me to stop.

Thanks a lot for all those concentration-filled hours you spent at the crease and made me feel as if I was part of that fight India was putting up. Thanks for the amazing cover drives that give me the goosebumps even now. Thanks for those pullshots that I shall use one day to teach my son how to play the shot better than what the coaches and books can ever teach. Thanks for those straight bat defence shots which I try and emulate in my room to a invisible ball and yet get it wrong. Thanks for the moment when you decided to don the gloves just so that India can have a well balanced team and can pose a threat to the world. Thanks for showing us how without saying a word, without chirping from the slips, without arguing with the bowler you can still be as aggressive. You can still be as respected. You can still be as feared.

And mostly thanks for making the defense shot the most aggressive shots ever! Sir Rahul Dravid...LEGEND! 'Enough said!

Why do we blame Mondays?

The week begins with it and has so many great things to offer, yet most of us hate Mondays! It has reached that point in my life that I have now started feeling bad for Monday. Think about it, it was not as if Monday was given a choice to be some other day, Saturday may be? or even Friday for that matter.

Then why blame the poor chap?

Look at all the good things it gets and then be happy for it, for once! It marks the beginning of a new week. A new week where you will have a good days at work so that you can party hard over the weekend. A week where you will plan what to do in the next few days. This week could also be the one where you might get your salary.

A Monday is the perfect day to begin something new, since it gives you about five days to complete it. A Monday means even if you had pending work on Friday you had a couple of days to cool off and not think about them. Aren't you thankful to a Monday that it comes after two days from Friday?

A Monday is the day when some of us get to meet our office cuties, our crushes in school, our colleagues whom we love to hang out with. A Monday is the day when we are sure we won't be drinking too much alcohol on a Sunday, so no hangover. A Monday is the day when we can log on to Facebook and check what the world did over the weekend and ponder over that.

A Monday has so much to offer that it really feels wrong to 'hate' it or have the blues on the first day.

Stop doing it, for my sake, for Monday's sake?

God, you cheated on me!

Again and again and again. Why does this keep happening with me? Do I attract only a certain kind of people or is it one of your tricks to make me stronger?

I've had enough, I do not need this.

Things were moving smoothly, a little quick by my standards, yet quite well. After a long time I saw things going in my favour and was anticipating greater results.

But she did exactly what by now I've been accustomed to. Use me as a throw-away pillow. Hold me when you're scared, snuggle upto me when you want to get cozy, lie on me when you need a friend and throw me at the instant you see a different room!

I thought I had made a deal with you God. I thought we had a pact. I thought you'd keep your promise. I thought you'd understand.

She meant a lot to me, she could've been the one. All was not to be and we ended up on the opposite sides of the road.

She is going her way and has asked me not to look for her. I am left clueless without a map and have been asked to find my way.

Nahin socha tha kabhi

Nahin socha tha kabhi ki yeh din bhi aayega,
Tumhe dard ho yeh hamari khwaish hogi,
Dard tumhe hoga aur mazza humein aayega,

Tumhe dard mein rote bilakhte dekhenge,
Man hi man khoob hum hasenge,
Aur yeh dua bhi karenge ki yeh din kal phir aaye

It's slow

Things are moving slower than usual,
I feel a little detached,

A strange feeling has gripped me
and now I want to relax.

The surroundings have changed,
The expectations have risen

I am supposed to take it up a few notches,
Yet the bricks are missing, the cement is gone

Someone somewhere just does not want
for me to succeed or continue for long

But I will fight and not let them win,
Because I haven't learnt to give in,

I try and do whatever it takes
to make work and life fun always

This is no different but all the same
A win, a win, a win - that's all in this game!

It has just started

Tomorrow I complete a month at my new job and things have just started to get going. Work is happening at a very slow pace. I am caught dozing off in office quite a lot. I am not sure this time like it used to happen in class, I cannot run away unscathed.

The reasons for these could be many, the lack of sleep, general boredom due to not being given enough to do, may be I do not like the job here as much.

Things have been a little odd here. I like my profile and I know there could be a great challenge in months to come and its a great industry and a real good place to start from scratch and build a team. In short, a great learning experience. Yet, somewhere I am not as confident about this job just as yet.

Let's see, today a small interaction with one of the guys did get me excited once again but not as much to get rid of this fear.

There are fun things happening around - like that Phalguni Pathak ringtone a colleague had, then this spring-bed crunching sound, mangal bhavan amangalaaa bhavaaaaa - ringtone....stupid girl flirting, these characters help me have a smile around here. But, I am yet to go miss work!

I took a day off and was not feeling as guilty of having missed something. Hopefully, things will change in days to come...

The grown-up!

Torn jeans has given way to formal pants, clean-shaven tidy gelled hair have shown the door to unkempt ruffled hair. Loose t-shirts with silly one-liners are passe and crisp striped shirts are the in-thing. Stupid kitos with socks are a thing of the past and black leather shoes now adorn the wardrobe.

Funky looking bar-stool-laden office has now been replaced by a simple retractable red and black cushioned chair. A workstation is a luxury and a cubicle is what I have now.

Is it the end of the creative and the beginning of the marketer? Is this growing up or growing old? Is this becoming serious or becoming responsible? Is this a change of responsibilities or change of industry? Is this a change in working or a change in living?

I love the fact that every once a while life puts you in a position where you ask yourself some questions. If you are not asking any questions you are not doing anything risky. And if you are not taking risks, what are you doing then?

Things have changed so much in the last one year that sometimes I myself cannot come to terms with it.

Good or bad only time will tell me and keeping my expectations fairly high I think a mid-term review is only fair. Haha, the marketing lingo! I think I am getting there. Well, it does not matter what I think what really matters is what they think. And once they tell me what they think about this, all that will be cleared.

Now don't ask me what is what!

The dying sport: Cricket

Most people born post the 1983 World Cup winning India would never have imagined this or would have thought in their wildest dreams that they will see a time when Cricket will be considered a dying sport in India!

As hard it is to believe for a super cricket fanatic like me, it is even harder to imagine the plight of those who are playing the sport currently and hoping to break into the most glamorous profession in India after acting, in India atleast.

Since my trip to the land of the queen where yours truly spent a good year hoping to play the sport at some level in the country of its birth! Sadly though the locals of Yorkshire too had few people interested in the sport. My first few days in Leeds, West Yorkshire told me that England has become more of a football nation than cricket. Every sports shop I visisted had big banners and full size posters of Rooney, Cole, Lampard, etc and not one picture of any cricketer.

In the entire year all I saw with regards to cricket and its players were a few Graeme Swann ads of a certain juice company and one of Kevin Pietersen endorsing some brand. Yorkshire, if some of you do not know is the 'Mumbai' of English cricket. Some of the finest cricketers have been part of the Yorkshire team and Yorkshire takes great pride in its stars. It was a great example of hard core British values as for a long time it did not entertain foreign cricketers in its team. A lot of the other counties had stared importing foreign talent but not the Yorkshire men. Our very own Sachin Tendulakr was the first international cricketer ever to have played for Yorkshire county.

Coming back to our discussion, the Headingley stadium too had a dull look about it during the year and even though it had county matches played regularly I never really saw the tradition or culture it was so famous for.

Now, back in India, I have noticed the interest levels for the sport have gone down miserably. Blame it on the overdose in the last couple of months or general losing of interest. What is funny about this dying interest is that it seems to affect more people living in cities. Football has consistently been surging as a sport in India and now its giving cricket a tough competition.

Since my return to Mumbai I have been dying to lay hands on a bat and tonk the ball beyond the boundary, yet I have been unsuccessful at finding someone to run over and bowl the ball at the other end. There was a time during my school days when we used to have three teams each of 7-8 players playing on open grounds and now just about a decade later am having trouble to find 3 people willing to even say yes for playing it!

Agreed that most people of my age are working and are at mid-management to senior level jobs but interest is also one thing. Have tried cajoling some youngsters in my building to join me for a game of under-arm cricket, promoising them that I would play football with them if thet did so and yet I was disappointed!

Today, one of my friends got tickets for the match on Sunday between India and England at the recently revamped Wankhede stadium. We accidentally ended up buying a couple of extra tickets and now are having trouble in finding takers. Their excuse: Do not want to 'waste' my Sunday, seven hours is too long for a sport, who will come that far 'just' to watch a match, 'T20 hai kya?. What match? Who is playing? England is in India, weren't we there a couple of days back? Woh chod, Rugby Finals dekhte hain!

I am surprised! I am shocked! I am disappointed! I am sad!

There was a time when the entire country knew where was India playing, what were the game timings and what was the score...at any given point of time. Catch a security guard who is fast asleep and ask him for the score and he would promptly say...Sachin batting kar raha hai, 200-2. Ask some random people in a train, boss score kya hua hai? and he will frantically send an SMs to the service provider for an updated scorebaord and then proudly show it to you once received.

From that to a time when people know when Manchester United is playing their next game or what is the latest tattoo on Beckham's body but they are not sure if Sachin is even in the playing XI or not!

Cricket indeed is a dying sport now in this country and I won't be surprised if my son (One day I shall have that too) gets up and asks me, dad, what is this long wooded thing that you have on your desk full of signatures of some - J. Kallis, R. Dravid and A. Kumble?

A little sweet, a little sour

It has been one complete year. Life has taken a complete turn, I started off as being unemployed and looking to spend a lot of my money on what seemed like a good education and something that would help me take the next step in my career.

I was all set to step in the land of the Queen and start what would have been the start of my rule. I am back to the country I took birth in, still unemployed, the Queen has taken a big chunk of my savings, I have gained some knowledge which I might have done had I stayed back and done some small time course from some University in India!

Yet, all is not lost and I still do not regret this experience. It gave me a lot more than what I expected of it. It failed to deliver what it promised and yet it delivered things that were not part of the contract. Ahhaa..contract! One word that has not left my life so far and has different meanings for me for different reasons. Anyway, getting back, Leeds was an unforgettable experience and one that has left a deep mark.

The day I landed in Leeds and started spending the money, it was a very different experience. I was not comfortable with the thought of spending almost 3 times of what I had earned so far in a country where I will be forced to stay for atleast a year.

The first few months I spent miserly, saving every penny and writing about every pound that I used up. Slowly, things go better and I got a better hold of myself and my habits.

Now back in the city and I feel people here are so poor and unlucky. Having seen youngsters spend pounds as if they were actually making more money if they spend more, I felt the people here could be given a little more for their efforts. I saw this beggar kid who was singing to me that he wanted to eat rice and dal. I know very well that money given to him might not go there yet my heart melted at his innocent look and smile. I handed him a one rupee and a two rupee coin. I thought it would make him really happy and he would be elated. He was happy nonetheless but the next moment he was seen at the next rickshaw trying to convince another man to let him eat dal and rice.

The rickshaw I sat in had a little tiff with a rickshawalla ahead of him as he banged his vehicle and broke his side view mirror. The fight lasted a good 10 minutes and all I did was observe. I did not utter a word in support of either of them and just saw my meter rising with alarming speed. It did not bother me much as I knew that as much as they fought it was obvious that the other guy would not give him any damages as he was too poor and could not afford a cut from his meagre salary. A little later when I got off, I saw the meter rating and it was much more than what it should have been, I promptly took the cash out and gave him the money and did not bother asking to reduce it for the time wasted at the signal.

I did not do him a favour, nor am I saying that I am a generous guy. I just thought to myself, a few bucks here and there might not make a big difference to me, but I know this rickshawalla will feel happy that his amount was not reduced and he got a little more than what he would have.

To see people spending money like there really is no tomorrow and to come back and see people being happy at having made a little extra. I am back in the country, am back to where I belong, and yet I ain't happy.

This small little incident made me think, is it a little sweet or is it a little sour!

Long time coming

I do not know when did I decide this but it seems I am eventually heading back home. One year of staying abroad, making your own decisions - of what to eat and when to sleep! A year of not having to tell your parents when you're going back home, rather letting your flatmates know you are home at 4 in the morning when you try to enter without letting anyone know and yet those stupid whispers wake everyone up! A year of drinking at 11 in the morning and then saying, this country is stupid, who offers beer at 11 in the morning...!

I can keep these coming all day, just cannot afford to do that at the moment though. I am, atleast supposed to be working on my dissertation and be completing my literature review. Lucky that my group mates do not know about this blog nor do they follow it.

Well, to get back to the topic, I have finally decided to head back and not waste my time looking for a job here in this recession-affected country.

It was a tough decision. To choose between a life I have never had so far to a city, country, place where I have stayed all my life and took a break from just to get a better control of my life. The decision was between choosing a lifestyle and choosing job satisfaction. I of course chose the latter.

It is not that a job here in this country would not have given me job satisfaction, but a job back home will have me more interested. The industry I am looking at is at a more nascent stage in my country than it is here. I ideally wanted to learn from the experts here and may be in another 5-10 years go back and apply the same when the users are closer to maturity.

I do not know whether this is the right decision or not, whether this reduces my chances of ever working internationally or not. I have no clue, and I am slightly worried about my future. For the first time in my life I have no clue where my life is going. I do not know if it is headed in the right direction or is it going elsewhere.

In GOD I trust and I know there is someone up there who is looking at me and is helping me. He has been there all this while and will be by my side now too.

It's been a year since I went back home. A year since I met my friends. A year since I saw my parents. A year since I tasted the smell of fresh rainwater over mud. A year since I drove on Indians roads. It's been a long time coming and I hope it's well worth the wait.

We Won!!!

Yes we did it! 2nd April 2011, will never forget this date for the rest of my life. One of the most memorable days of my life. A dream come true not just for the cricketers but for a nation that was starved of a World Cup victory for 28 years. The T20 World Cup victory of 2007 was sweet, but this was sweeter. We played cricket like only we can. Our batting was not at its peak, but our bowling and fielding was. It was really nice to see everyone chipping in, diving around and throwing themselves on the field. The passion, the commitment, the motivation, the momentum, everything was there.

The players dedicated the victory to Sachin but Sachin dedicated it to the country.
The players that made it possible - in their batting order style
Sachin Tendulkar
Virender Sehwag
Gautam Gambhir
Virat Kohli
Yuvraj Singh
Mahendra Singh Dhoni (C & WK)
Suresh Raina
Yusuf Pathan
R Ashwin
Piyush Chawla
Harbhajan Singh
Ashish Nehra
Munaf Patel
Shantakumaran Sreesanth
Zaheer Khan

Coach - Gary Kirsten

Dhoni had been saying for long that Yuvraj's form would be very crucial to India's chances in the World Cup and how right was he! Yuvraj was the Man of the Tournament and rightly so. Scoring 362 runs and picking up 15 wickets, Yuvraj helped India in many ways. Picked up wickets in the middle overs which I think is the most important thing in any form of cricket. If you can find yourself a bowler who can pick up wickets every once a while after your main bowlers have finished their spells then you have a great chance of winning the game. I think this was the aspect that made us tick in this World Cup.

We were struggling with a back up bowler in the initial stage of the World Cup but as the tournament progressed Dhoni started to show more confidence in Yuvraj's bowling and he repaid the faith. Sachin's 482 runs too were helpful but as has been the case, he did not score in the most crucial tie. He did bat well against the Pakistanis, but everyone will agree his 85 off 115 was one of his worst World Cup innings. Luckily for us, it ended in a victory and those runs turned out to be quite significant.

Sehwag failed to ignite after a stupendous 175 against the Bangladeshis in the first game and so did Virat. Although, his 35 in the final will still be remembered along with the unsung hero - Gautam Gambhir who ended with 393 runs and was 6th on the list of the top run-getters of World Cup 2011. In 9 games he scored 4 fifties and scored at a fair clip with a strike-rate of 85.

Zaheer Khan was the pick of the bowlers with 21 wickets and an economy of under 5. He was the reason why India could claw back in most of the games except the final. He was due for a bad game after having a surreal tournament, doing well every time the captain handed him the ball. Luckily his jinx with the final ended and although he went for a lot of runs in the last two overs we still won!

Harbhajan Singh too came in for a lot of criticism and rightly so. He picked just 9 wickets in 9 games at an economy of 4.48. He did a great job of containing but what we needed from him were wickets. He did exactly that against Pakistan. To be fair, he was trying to do it but the opposition know him too well by now and most play him in a very defensive way. A bowler like him needs to be attacked. R Ashwin was the surprise package and did really well in the few chances that he got. The big disappointment was Piyush Chawla. Highly over-rated according to me, he showed people he had some talent when he got 4 wickets against the Aussies in the warm-up game. The lad needs to work on his variations and also needs to understand that the wrong'un can be an option to the left-hander, not the only delivery possible. Andrew Strauss did his best to remind him of this fact but he did not seem to pick that up.

Truth be told, we urgently need a good leg spinner. Amit Mishra is too slow through the air and these kind of bowlers will only be successful against the Aussies as they have proved before. Hopefully the IPL 2011 will throw up some names.

Munaf Patel and Ashish Nehra till the first few games made people remember Ajit Agarkar. A bowler more known to fuck up at crucial junctures and yet be in the team for mysterious reasons. Munaf Patel lacks the fundamental quality of a fast bowler - body language. He comes across as a bowler who has been slapped on the ass by a sugarcane and a iron rod slotted in the backside and then removed. His expression does not change, be it the first over, the fifth or the last over of a final. The few pleasantries that he exchanged with the on-field batsmen too must have been like - Su kare che? Mane maar nai, Dhoni maaari gaand marse pachi...aavjo!

Ashish Nehra who seemed to have lost some form and direction when brought into the World Cup was a surprise selection in the Indo-Pak clash but saved himself a year of trouble by bowling that crucial 49th over and redeeming himself after what happened in the match against South Africa. He had leaked 16 runs of 4 balls and handed victory to the you-blink-and-I-choke-South Africa! And that too against tail-enders who go by the names of Robin Peterson and Johan Botha, both of who are now hailed as heroes in their motherland. They are the only Test nation to have beaten us in this tournament.

A tired lot this must be after a rigorous 6 weeks of handling pressure at its peak. The shutter bugs will not leave their side and they would not mind it too. They have done what Indian teams in the past 28 years could not. They deserve all the credit and footage they are getting. Not sure if they needed to be given extra monetary benefits or any declaration of special wards. it is all our tax money at the end of the day. We should have some say in it, don't you think?

All will not be forgotten very soon but they will force us to. The IPL is here, you know!

The Night

It's been a while since I looked up,
Up in the night sky,
It's filled with golden stars,
That are shimmering away with a twinkle,

I want to be one with them,
See the world that they get to see,
Ride the night and play with the moon,
Watch as serenity fills the air,

Everyone off, dozing away,
A hard day has just gone past,
Another one stares them in the eye,
Yet without a worry they close their eyes,

But for the stars the day has just begun,
They shall twinkle away all night.
Presenting us with their soothing light,
Playing hide and seek with the moon,

It's the night I have longed for,
But somehow I don't have the time,
To look up and gaze at the sky,
The one that's there will soon pass by.

From stupid to something better

I still remember my first blog. I had started way back in 2005 on the insistence of a friend. I had no clue what a blog was and what were we supposed to write. At that time I did not even know that I could write.

It's funny how at times I look at my previous posts and now look at some of my articles and actually surprise myself. I have not achieved much in life yet, but am still proud of myself. I look back at myself when I was a 20-year-old guy and look at myself now and I can proudly say - I am much better now. That 20 something could not even have dreamed to have had a life like mine.

What I was back then, I am actually surprised that I have actually done something decent with my life so far. To being a clueless guy with absolutely no ambitions and no worry about the future I can safely say that this guy knows where he is going. People infact follow this guy and want to know how he got here.

My first post was about how I will put up my lame jokes and funny one liners. From that to now having written almost 10-15 poems, some with actually a good theme and emotion attached to it. I might be funny when in person but sometimes the virtual me is way more serious than even I can handle.

From someone whose first attempt at poetry was so bad that may be a second grader would have done better to someone who actually became a writer and was paid to write!! I am happy how things have turned out.

It's good to know I moved from being stupid to someone better.

Kya Khuda, mazzak kar rahe ho?

Poochta mujhse mera khuda hai,
Poochta mujhse mera khuda hai,
Kya waqt ka hosh hai tumhe?
Kya andaaz hai mahaul ka?
Bewaqt saare kaam karte ho,
Kya tum bhi kabhi soya karte ho?

Jawab mein maine kaha khuda se,
Jawab mein maine kaha khuda se,
Itna mushkil kar diya din guzarna mera,
Har mod par takleef de di,
Joonjh raha hoon main kisi tarah se,
Kya mujhe dekh kar tum kabhi roya karte ho?

Blank

What is it about you that I miss so much?
What keeps me thinking of you so much?

Last night when I checked my mail,
I searched for one of your old mails,

Read it even though I knew it would hurt,
I think I should delete them and then think may be not,

I sent you a mail to an id you don't check,
And am still hoping you reply within a few days,

I don't know what I am doing,
This is certainly not helping as I keep denying,

I wish to move on and I thought I have,
But everytime this loneliness pushes me back a few years,

I sit and look at those lovely days,
When we sat, talked and you were all ears,

To every little thing I said,
Every little moment was cherished,

God! I have had enough, now just make this stop,
And let me go to where I belong.

Time to hit me

Don't know why I chose this title
I guess am just lazy and felt like it
To choose a topic that forces me to act
Do something and get rid of this laze

How I do it even I have no clue,
But sometimes shit comes out and its all new,
I make it a point to write a rhyme,
And force it on every line,

A two-liner or a four,
I will write until I get bored,
This is good for a change,
My poetry is not all about the sane,

Sometimes corny, sometimes emotional,
I try hard and make it proportional,
Knowing the language well helps,
Stopping here to ask what else?

Nothing more to write, nothing else to share,
I should have ended before as I said,
But then again, you know me well,
Sometimes I really, really don't care!

End of Part 1

Add Semester 2 to continue....

Next update: January 24, 2011.

Aah...do not go away, am going to tell you about the highlights of the first semester. Kinda like a recap, eh!

Yeah. So the first part of my PG degree is done and I do not even know where it all went. The semester passed like a breeze. It came, it ruffled a few things and it left.

A different experience altogether I must admit. Looking back now I do realize how things have changed and how they have brought in a change in me. When I first came in here on the 11th of September 2010, I almost like a child left free. I would want to do things just out of curiosity. I would not sleep on time, I ate whatever I felt like, whenever I felt like, bought a lot of things I usually would not. It gave me the kind of freedom I always wanted but never knew I wanted.
I guess most of us go through this phase, some, albeit do it a lot earlier. But as they say, it's never too late.

Well, in my case I have always done things a little later than I should have. So this does not come as a complete surprise. ;)

From my first day when I went to the nearby store to pick up a converter and then buying things I probably would not use until say a few months later, to now having a budget and planning my shopping and even sourcing stuff from only particular shops. I have learnt a lot of things.

I love the fact that during my first week when I did not even know that I was eating half-baked pasta to now almost perfecting it to the T. From not going beyond the simple egg omelette to now having made Gajar ka Halwa. From living a dependent life to living almost on my own. I am really happy and proud of myself and would love to continue this trend.

Now that I have lived the life I always wanted to, its time when I take control of my life. Well begun is half done indeed but you must remember that the other half is still to go.

I need to work hard and keep working to make sure this year turns out to be one of my best so far and I only go from strength to strength.

I did not expect this but it has happened. I do not long for my friends as much, I am much more in control of myself and my feelings. I have made some new friends, who I am ready to trust and forge great bonds with. Right now, they might not be at the same level as my other friends but I have started seeing them in a different light.

From mere colleagues from class, to friends I would call up when times are rough. From flatmates to real buddies. From people I just want to know so that I have some 'firang' friends to now I need them and miss them when they are not around.

These three months have changed a lot of things.

It is vacation time here in Leeds, but back in India it is prime time. People are at their busiest, socializing, attending weddings, making plans for the new year, some new year resolutions. And here, I am trying to wind up my year. Friends have gone to meet family, people are getting serious about their studies and exams. It's funny how things are different on this side of the Indian Ocean.

Right then, it's time for me to get back to work. To promise myself to land a good job here, to study hard and get a distinction, to now make full use of my life and the licence I have to live the life I always wanted to.

This blog is more for me than for the readers. It is for me to remind myself of what I have come here to accomplish.

Thanks guys,

love,

Raging Optimist

Zindagi pechida hai

Meri hi zindagi hai lekin is mein main kam hoon,
Mujh mein, tum ho kar bhi tum nahin ho,
Tujh mein main nahin ho kar bhi main har jagah hoon,

Tum chahe maano ya na maano isse,
Lekin tumhari yaad mein aaj bhi main hoon,
Yakeen nahin hota agar, toh kisi gair se pooch lo,
Us mein bhi agar main na nazar aaya, toh phir kehna,

Hum dono ki chahat ek thi magar thikane alag,
Baat wohi thi magar bahane alag,
Main tumse kaafi kuch keh gaya,
Magar sunne mein hi kami reh gayi,

Tum kehti rahi har dum jo tumne aakhir tak kaha,
Magar main wohi sun raha tha jo mujhe tha manzoor,

Aaj jab mudkar peeche dekha maine,
Toh jaana ki humne rahein hi alag chuni thi,

Main aaj bhi tumhe sun sakta hoon,
Isliye nahin ki tum paas ho,
Isliye kyunki main apna ek hissa tumhare paas chod aaya hoon...

Yeh meri zindagi hai?

Meri zindagi mein main kahan hoon?

Itna sama chuki ho mere andar tum,
Ki ab mujhmein bhi sirf tum ho,
Khud mein hi dhoondhta hoon tumhe,
Phir bhi kahin na milti tum ho,

Baat karne ki koshish jab ki maine,
Tum mujhe mein hi chip gayi kahin,
Maine bahut pukaara lekin,
Ek awaaz na suni tumne,

Aaj bhi dastak deta hoon main apne dil pe,
Is umeed mein ki shayad tum jawab dogi,
Kae saal beet gaye, yeh aadat gayi nahin ab tak,
Jawab toh nahin aaya magar, iss aadat ne ek nishaan chod diya dil par,

Ab main bhool chuka hoon tumhe lekin,
Dil pe reh gaya jo nishaan uska kya karun,
Jab jaana hi tha tumhe zindagi se meri,
Toh kambakht dil ko bhi saath le jaati,

Na nishaan ki takleef hoti, na jeene ki...