God, you cheated on me!

Again and again and again. Why does this keep happening with me? Do I attract only a certain kind of people or is it one of your tricks to make me stronger?

I've had enough, I do not need this.

Things were moving smoothly, a little quick by my standards, yet quite well. After a long time I saw things going in my favour and was anticipating greater results.

But she did exactly what by now I've been accustomed to. Use me as a throw-away pillow. Hold me when you're scared, snuggle upto me when you want to get cozy, lie on me when you need a friend and throw me at the instant you see a different room!

I thought I had made a deal with you God. I thought we had a pact. I thought you'd keep your promise. I thought you'd understand.

She meant a lot to me, she could've been the one. All was not to be and we ended up on the opposite sides of the road.

She is going her way and has asked me not to look for her. I am left clueless without a map and have been asked to find my way.

Nahin socha tha kabhi

Nahin socha tha kabhi ki yeh din bhi aayega,
Tumhe dard ho yeh hamari khwaish hogi,
Dard tumhe hoga aur mazza humein aayega,

Tumhe dard mein rote bilakhte dekhenge,
Man hi man khoob hum hasenge,
Aur yeh dua bhi karenge ki yeh din kal phir aaye

It's slow

Things are moving slower than usual,
I feel a little detached,

A strange feeling has gripped me
and now I want to relax.

The surroundings have changed,
The expectations have risen

I am supposed to take it up a few notches,
Yet the bricks are missing, the cement is gone

Someone somewhere just does not want
for me to succeed or continue for long

But I will fight and not let them win,
Because I haven't learnt to give in,

I try and do whatever it takes
to make work and life fun always

This is no different but all the same
A win, a win, a win - that's all in this game!

It has just started

Tomorrow I complete a month at my new job and things have just started to get going. Work is happening at a very slow pace. I am caught dozing off in office quite a lot. I am not sure this time like it used to happen in class, I cannot run away unscathed.

The reasons for these could be many, the lack of sleep, general boredom due to not being given enough to do, may be I do not like the job here as much.

Things have been a little odd here. I like my profile and I know there could be a great challenge in months to come and its a great industry and a real good place to start from scratch and build a team. In short, a great learning experience. Yet, somewhere I am not as confident about this job just as yet.

Let's see, today a small interaction with one of the guys did get me excited once again but not as much to get rid of this fear.

There are fun things happening around - like that Phalguni Pathak ringtone a colleague had, then this spring-bed crunching sound, mangal bhavan amangalaaa bhavaaaaa - ringtone....stupid girl flirting, these characters help me have a smile around here. But, I am yet to go miss work!

I took a day off and was not feeling as guilty of having missed something. Hopefully, things will change in days to come...

The grown-up!

Torn jeans has given way to formal pants, clean-shaven tidy gelled hair have shown the door to unkempt ruffled hair. Loose t-shirts with silly one-liners are passe and crisp striped shirts are the in-thing. Stupid kitos with socks are a thing of the past and black leather shoes now adorn the wardrobe.

Funky looking bar-stool-laden office has now been replaced by a simple retractable red and black cushioned chair. A workstation is a luxury and a cubicle is what I have now.

Is it the end of the creative and the beginning of the marketer? Is this growing up or growing old? Is this becoming serious or becoming responsible? Is this a change of responsibilities or change of industry? Is this a change in working or a change in living?

I love the fact that every once a while life puts you in a position where you ask yourself some questions. If you are not asking any questions you are not doing anything risky. And if you are not taking risks, what are you doing then?

Things have changed so much in the last one year that sometimes I myself cannot come to terms with it.

Good or bad only time will tell me and keeping my expectations fairly high I think a mid-term review is only fair. Haha, the marketing lingo! I think I am getting there. Well, it does not matter what I think what really matters is what they think. And once they tell me what they think about this, all that will be cleared.

Now don't ask me what is what!

The dying sport: Cricket

Most people born post the 1983 World Cup winning India would never have imagined this or would have thought in their wildest dreams that they will see a time when Cricket will be considered a dying sport in India!

As hard it is to believe for a super cricket fanatic like me, it is even harder to imagine the plight of those who are playing the sport currently and hoping to break into the most glamorous profession in India after acting, in India atleast.

Since my trip to the land of the queen where yours truly spent a good year hoping to play the sport at some level in the country of its birth! Sadly though the locals of Yorkshire too had few people interested in the sport. My first few days in Leeds, West Yorkshire told me that England has become more of a football nation than cricket. Every sports shop I visisted had big banners and full size posters of Rooney, Cole, Lampard, etc and not one picture of any cricketer.

In the entire year all I saw with regards to cricket and its players were a few Graeme Swann ads of a certain juice company and one of Kevin Pietersen endorsing some brand. Yorkshire, if some of you do not know is the 'Mumbai' of English cricket. Some of the finest cricketers have been part of the Yorkshire team and Yorkshire takes great pride in its stars. It was a great example of hard core British values as for a long time it did not entertain foreign cricketers in its team. A lot of the other counties had stared importing foreign talent but not the Yorkshire men. Our very own Sachin Tendulakr was the first international cricketer ever to have played for Yorkshire county.

Coming back to our discussion, the Headingley stadium too had a dull look about it during the year and even though it had county matches played regularly I never really saw the tradition or culture it was so famous for.

Now, back in India, I have noticed the interest levels for the sport have gone down miserably. Blame it on the overdose in the last couple of months or general losing of interest. What is funny about this dying interest is that it seems to affect more people living in cities. Football has consistently been surging as a sport in India and now its giving cricket a tough competition.

Since my return to Mumbai I have been dying to lay hands on a bat and tonk the ball beyond the boundary, yet I have been unsuccessful at finding someone to run over and bowl the ball at the other end. There was a time during my school days when we used to have three teams each of 7-8 players playing on open grounds and now just about a decade later am having trouble to find 3 people willing to even say yes for playing it!

Agreed that most people of my age are working and are at mid-management to senior level jobs but interest is also one thing. Have tried cajoling some youngsters in my building to join me for a game of under-arm cricket, promoising them that I would play football with them if thet did so and yet I was disappointed!

Today, one of my friends got tickets for the match on Sunday between India and England at the recently revamped Wankhede stadium. We accidentally ended up buying a couple of extra tickets and now are having trouble in finding takers. Their excuse: Do not want to 'waste' my Sunday, seven hours is too long for a sport, who will come that far 'just' to watch a match, 'T20 hai kya?. What match? Who is playing? England is in India, weren't we there a couple of days back? Woh chod, Rugby Finals dekhte hain!

I am surprised! I am shocked! I am disappointed! I am sad!

There was a time when the entire country knew where was India playing, what were the game timings and what was the score...at any given point of time. Catch a security guard who is fast asleep and ask him for the score and he would promptly say...Sachin batting kar raha hai, 200-2. Ask some random people in a train, boss score kya hua hai? and he will frantically send an SMs to the service provider for an updated scorebaord and then proudly show it to you once received.

From that to a time when people know when Manchester United is playing their next game or what is the latest tattoo on Beckham's body but they are not sure if Sachin is even in the playing XI or not!

Cricket indeed is a dying sport now in this country and I won't be surprised if my son (One day I shall have that too) gets up and asks me, dad, what is this long wooded thing that you have on your desk full of signatures of some - J. Kallis, R. Dravid and A. Kumble?

A little sweet, a little sour

It has been one complete year. Life has taken a complete turn, I started off as being unemployed and looking to spend a lot of my money on what seemed like a good education and something that would help me take the next step in my career.

I was all set to step in the land of the Queen and start what would have been the start of my rule. I am back to the country I took birth in, still unemployed, the Queen has taken a big chunk of my savings, I have gained some knowledge which I might have done had I stayed back and done some small time course from some University in India!

Yet, all is not lost and I still do not regret this experience. It gave me a lot more than what I expected of it. It failed to deliver what it promised and yet it delivered things that were not part of the contract. Ahhaa..contract! One word that has not left my life so far and has different meanings for me for different reasons. Anyway, getting back, Leeds was an unforgettable experience and one that has left a deep mark.

The day I landed in Leeds and started spending the money, it was a very different experience. I was not comfortable with the thought of spending almost 3 times of what I had earned so far in a country where I will be forced to stay for atleast a year.

The first few months I spent miserly, saving every penny and writing about every pound that I used up. Slowly, things go better and I got a better hold of myself and my habits.

Now back in the city and I feel people here are so poor and unlucky. Having seen youngsters spend pounds as if they were actually making more money if they spend more, I felt the people here could be given a little more for their efforts. I saw this beggar kid who was singing to me that he wanted to eat rice and dal. I know very well that money given to him might not go there yet my heart melted at his innocent look and smile. I handed him a one rupee and a two rupee coin. I thought it would make him really happy and he would be elated. He was happy nonetheless but the next moment he was seen at the next rickshaw trying to convince another man to let him eat dal and rice.

The rickshaw I sat in had a little tiff with a rickshawalla ahead of him as he banged his vehicle and broke his side view mirror. The fight lasted a good 10 minutes and all I did was observe. I did not utter a word in support of either of them and just saw my meter rising with alarming speed. It did not bother me much as I knew that as much as they fought it was obvious that the other guy would not give him any damages as he was too poor and could not afford a cut from his meagre salary. A little later when I got off, I saw the meter rating and it was much more than what it should have been, I promptly took the cash out and gave him the money and did not bother asking to reduce it for the time wasted at the signal.

I did not do him a favour, nor am I saying that I am a generous guy. I just thought to myself, a few bucks here and there might not make a big difference to me, but I know this rickshawalla will feel happy that his amount was not reduced and he got a little more than what he would have.

To see people spending money like there really is no tomorrow and to come back and see people being happy at having made a little extra. I am back in the country, am back to where I belong, and yet I ain't happy.

This small little incident made me think, is it a little sweet or is it a little sour!

Long time coming

I do not know when did I decide this but it seems I am eventually heading back home. One year of staying abroad, making your own decisions - of what to eat and when to sleep! A year of not having to tell your parents when you're going back home, rather letting your flatmates know you are home at 4 in the morning when you try to enter without letting anyone know and yet those stupid whispers wake everyone up! A year of drinking at 11 in the morning and then saying, this country is stupid, who offers beer at 11 in the morning...!

I can keep these coming all day, just cannot afford to do that at the moment though. I am, atleast supposed to be working on my dissertation and be completing my literature review. Lucky that my group mates do not know about this blog nor do they follow it.

Well, to get back to the topic, I have finally decided to head back and not waste my time looking for a job here in this recession-affected country.

It was a tough decision. To choose between a life I have never had so far to a city, country, place where I have stayed all my life and took a break from just to get a better control of my life. The decision was between choosing a lifestyle and choosing job satisfaction. I of course chose the latter.

It is not that a job here in this country would not have given me job satisfaction, but a job back home will have me more interested. The industry I am looking at is at a more nascent stage in my country than it is here. I ideally wanted to learn from the experts here and may be in another 5-10 years go back and apply the same when the users are closer to maturity.

I do not know whether this is the right decision or not, whether this reduces my chances of ever working internationally or not. I have no clue, and I am slightly worried about my future. For the first time in my life I have no clue where my life is going. I do not know if it is headed in the right direction or is it going elsewhere.

In GOD I trust and I know there is someone up there who is looking at me and is helping me. He has been there all this while and will be by my side now too.

It's been a year since I went back home. A year since I met my friends. A year since I saw my parents. A year since I tasted the smell of fresh rainwater over mud. A year since I drove on Indians roads. It's been a long time coming and I hope it's well worth the wait.

We Won!!!

Yes we did it! 2nd April 2011, will never forget this date for the rest of my life. One of the most memorable days of my life. A dream come true not just for the cricketers but for a nation that was starved of a World Cup victory for 28 years. The T20 World Cup victory of 2007 was sweet, but this was sweeter. We played cricket like only we can. Our batting was not at its peak, but our bowling and fielding was. It was really nice to see everyone chipping in, diving around and throwing themselves on the field. The passion, the commitment, the motivation, the momentum, everything was there.

The players dedicated the victory to Sachin but Sachin dedicated it to the country.
The players that made it possible - in their batting order style
Sachin Tendulkar
Virender Sehwag
Gautam Gambhir
Virat Kohli
Yuvraj Singh
Mahendra Singh Dhoni (C & WK)
Suresh Raina
Yusuf Pathan
R Ashwin
Piyush Chawla
Harbhajan Singh
Ashish Nehra
Munaf Patel
Shantakumaran Sreesanth
Zaheer Khan

Coach - Gary Kirsten

Dhoni had been saying for long that Yuvraj's form would be very crucial to India's chances in the World Cup and how right was he! Yuvraj was the Man of the Tournament and rightly so. Scoring 362 runs and picking up 15 wickets, Yuvraj helped India in many ways. Picked up wickets in the middle overs which I think is the most important thing in any form of cricket. If you can find yourself a bowler who can pick up wickets every once a while after your main bowlers have finished their spells then you have a great chance of winning the game. I think this was the aspect that made us tick in this World Cup.

We were struggling with a back up bowler in the initial stage of the World Cup but as the tournament progressed Dhoni started to show more confidence in Yuvraj's bowling and he repaid the faith. Sachin's 482 runs too were helpful but as has been the case, he did not score in the most crucial tie. He did bat well against the Pakistanis, but everyone will agree his 85 off 115 was one of his worst World Cup innings. Luckily for us, it ended in a victory and those runs turned out to be quite significant.

Sehwag failed to ignite after a stupendous 175 against the Bangladeshis in the first game and so did Virat. Although, his 35 in the final will still be remembered along with the unsung hero - Gautam Gambhir who ended with 393 runs and was 6th on the list of the top run-getters of World Cup 2011. In 9 games he scored 4 fifties and scored at a fair clip with a strike-rate of 85.

Zaheer Khan was the pick of the bowlers with 21 wickets and an economy of under 5. He was the reason why India could claw back in most of the games except the final. He was due for a bad game after having a surreal tournament, doing well every time the captain handed him the ball. Luckily his jinx with the final ended and although he went for a lot of runs in the last two overs we still won!

Harbhajan Singh too came in for a lot of criticism and rightly so. He picked just 9 wickets in 9 games at an economy of 4.48. He did a great job of containing but what we needed from him were wickets. He did exactly that against Pakistan. To be fair, he was trying to do it but the opposition know him too well by now and most play him in a very defensive way. A bowler like him needs to be attacked. R Ashwin was the surprise package and did really well in the few chances that he got. The big disappointment was Piyush Chawla. Highly over-rated according to me, he showed people he had some talent when he got 4 wickets against the Aussies in the warm-up game. The lad needs to work on his variations and also needs to understand that the wrong'un can be an option to the left-hander, not the only delivery possible. Andrew Strauss did his best to remind him of this fact but he did not seem to pick that up.

Truth be told, we urgently need a good leg spinner. Amit Mishra is too slow through the air and these kind of bowlers will only be successful against the Aussies as they have proved before. Hopefully the IPL 2011 will throw up some names.

Munaf Patel and Ashish Nehra till the first few games made people remember Ajit Agarkar. A bowler more known to fuck up at crucial junctures and yet be in the team for mysterious reasons. Munaf Patel lacks the fundamental quality of a fast bowler - body language. He comes across as a bowler who has been slapped on the ass by a sugarcane and a iron rod slotted in the backside and then removed. His expression does not change, be it the first over, the fifth or the last over of a final. The few pleasantries that he exchanged with the on-field batsmen too must have been like - Su kare che? Mane maar nai, Dhoni maaari gaand marse pachi...aavjo!

Ashish Nehra who seemed to have lost some form and direction when brought into the World Cup was a surprise selection in the Indo-Pak clash but saved himself a year of trouble by bowling that crucial 49th over and redeeming himself after what happened in the match against South Africa. He had leaked 16 runs of 4 balls and handed victory to the you-blink-and-I-choke-South Africa! And that too against tail-enders who go by the names of Robin Peterson and Johan Botha, both of who are now hailed as heroes in their motherland. They are the only Test nation to have beaten us in this tournament.

A tired lot this must be after a rigorous 6 weeks of handling pressure at its peak. The shutter bugs will not leave their side and they would not mind it too. They have done what Indian teams in the past 28 years could not. They deserve all the credit and footage they are getting. Not sure if they needed to be given extra monetary benefits or any declaration of special wards. it is all our tax money at the end of the day. We should have some say in it, don't you think?

All will not be forgotten very soon but they will force us to. The IPL is here, you know!

The Night

It's been a while since I looked up,
Up in the night sky,
It's filled with golden stars,
That are shimmering away with a twinkle,

I want to be one with them,
See the world that they get to see,
Ride the night and play with the moon,
Watch as serenity fills the air,

Everyone off, dozing away,
A hard day has just gone past,
Another one stares them in the eye,
Yet without a worry they close their eyes,

But for the stars the day has just begun,
They shall twinkle away all night.
Presenting us with their soothing light,
Playing hide and seek with the moon,

It's the night I have longed for,
But somehow I don't have the time,
To look up and gaze at the sky,
The one that's there will soon pass by.

From stupid to something better

I still remember my first blog. I had started way back in 2005 on the insistence of a friend. I had no clue what a blog was and what were we supposed to write. At that time I did not even know that I could write.

It's funny how at times I look at my previous posts and now look at some of my articles and actually surprise myself. I have not achieved much in life yet, but am still proud of myself. I look back at myself when I was a 20-year-old guy and look at myself now and I can proudly say - I am much better now. That 20 something could not even have dreamed to have had a life like mine.

What I was back then, I am actually surprised that I have actually done something decent with my life so far. To being a clueless guy with absolutely no ambitions and no worry about the future I can safely say that this guy knows where he is going. People infact follow this guy and want to know how he got here.

My first post was about how I will put up my lame jokes and funny one liners. From that to now having written almost 10-15 poems, some with actually a good theme and emotion attached to it. I might be funny when in person but sometimes the virtual me is way more serious than even I can handle.

From someone whose first attempt at poetry was so bad that may be a second grader would have done better to someone who actually became a writer and was paid to write!! I am happy how things have turned out.

It's good to know I moved from being stupid to someone better.

Kya Khuda, mazzak kar rahe ho?

Poochta mujhse mera khuda hai,
Poochta mujhse mera khuda hai,
Kya waqt ka hosh hai tumhe?
Kya andaaz hai mahaul ka?
Bewaqt saare kaam karte ho,
Kya tum bhi kabhi soya karte ho?

Jawab mein maine kaha khuda se,
Jawab mein maine kaha khuda se,
Itna mushkil kar diya din guzarna mera,
Har mod par takleef de di,
Joonjh raha hoon main kisi tarah se,
Kya mujhe dekh kar tum kabhi roya karte ho?