Why this weird feeling?
Why can't you decide?
Why can I not let it affect me?
Why do I feel so insecure about you?
Why do I trust you and not trust you?
Why do I always feel I might not be the chosen one?
Why do I doubt myself?
Why am i not clear of what I want in life?
Why am I not sure how to go about doing things?
Why can I not find things the way others can?
Why do I sometimes feel I am dumb?
Why at times I feel inferior with smart people around me?
Why do I act smart?
Why do I do all these things?
Why have I never got an answer for all this?
Why do I look to blame things on others?
Why do I make such careless mistakes?
Why?
Why do I ask GOD all these questions?
Why do I have this hope that I will still be a success?
Why do I still believe I am smart enough?
Why do I have these days of lack of self belief?
Why?
Why?
Why do I not believe in GOD, yet feel there is some connection between the two of us?
Why do people think I am unpredictable?
Why do I love her so much?
Why do I miss my sister so much?
Why do I think so much?
Why am I writing this?
Why do I not want people to read this?
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
End of an Era
That's what it feels like. these three years have just vanished. I feel like reliving these years again. College is over, someone shake me, I still do not feel it. I don't want to experience it.
Soon we will all be working and all this talk of staying in touch and meeting up and calling and chilling out together will fizzle out. Everyone will be in a world of their own, no one will have time for you. Some will be gone to another country to study, some will be busy with their corporate jobs, some have their boyfriends and girlfriends, some have other groups. All this will not be the same anymore.
Want to make the most of it now, but I know I cannot. Life has come to a weird turn. i do not know where am I headed next. I want a secure future, I am for the first time in my life feeling insecure about my future. I do not know whether I will be successful story or not, whether I will be able to do what people expect from me and most importantly what I expect from myself.
Can I do what I had set out to in the beginning. When I had joined BMM it was for sports journalism !! Now I am not even part of Journalism, people believe I can do Advertising. I told them to believe me. Now what ?
Where should I start from?
Lots of things are at stake. Two lives, two futures are in my hand. Can I handle them? What will happen? I have to win that bet to keep my self respect, to keep the faith he has shown in me.
Soon we will all be working and all this talk of staying in touch and meeting up and calling and chilling out together will fizzle out. Everyone will be in a world of their own, no one will have time for you. Some will be gone to another country to study, some will be busy with their corporate jobs, some have their boyfriends and girlfriends, some have other groups. All this will not be the same anymore.
Want to make the most of it now, but I know I cannot. Life has come to a weird turn. i do not know where am I headed next. I want a secure future, I am for the first time in my life feeling insecure about my future. I do not know whether I will be successful story or not, whether I will be able to do what people expect from me and most importantly what I expect from myself.
Can I do what I had set out to in the beginning. When I had joined BMM it was for sports journalism !! Now I am not even part of Journalism, people believe I can do Advertising. I told them to believe me. Now what ?
Where should I start from?
Lots of things are at stake. Two lives, two futures are in my hand. Can I handle them? What will happen? I have to win that bet to keep my self respect, to keep the faith he has shown in me.
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