hmm...well it does...esp when she is someone who is related to you.someone you are sure to bump in to quite regularly...what to do now? will someone ever find out?...what if sis finds out? what?
being in the same room is difficult now...we do not look each other in the eye....one due to hatred...other due to other's hatred.....weird isn't it?...naah i say...
to be myself is difficult now...i am conscious...i am controlled...i am different...i am unable to do things as i used to..unable to say what i feel like.....i am unable to act as i am supposed to....how long can we carry on this game? how long can we try and keep it going.....with the chemistry that we had ..to d fun and entertainment we were....is it possible for no one to notice a change there?...
at one point we needed people to ask us to stop talking and leave to now where we need someone around to talk to..coz we do not talk to each other..........how will it work out?...
am nervous..am tensed...
i do not even know if i am over her or not....have i started liking someone already?.....what has happened to me...saying this it self makes me feel so shallow.....how could i? i do not even know about her feelings..i have no clue about mine either..do i hate her still....can i ever get back with her?...will i have to let others know about it?..
its getting awkward....its just keeps getting awkward.........rather awkward !!!
frustrations...fears....
will i be able to love someone as much...will i ever forget her?....will i move on? have i already?
questions...questions...questions....running all over my mind...
just stop thinking and live as if nothing has happened...simple , huh?...
yes it is...until i start thinking about it again !
SIMPLE...SEE TOLD YOU !
Friday, July 27, 2007
the END
so, it finally came, one that has lasted longer than the other ones. this one wasn't that big a deal when it came to facing life after it. May be i ve become stronger.....naahh who am i am kidding...may be i had experienced it before and thus the effect was less this time. Don't know the answer, but sure can't any damaging consequences. this time I do not want anyone's pity and sympathy....did not want it before too but kind off liked it....this time I am yet to open my heart to someone and bore them with my story....or rather my 'love life'!! as they like calling it.
So what has changed....i do not know....this time i did not even tell her its over....i love technology....u can end a relationship through an SMS !!!...wonder when they will have SMS'es that will read..TALAQ TALAQ TALAQ.. and it will all be over in one go !!...in 1 rupee !!...whoaaa that will be some big day i reckon....
anyway..getting back to my sob story...how it happened?....no one wants to know but i want to say..that's what i like about blogs....cool, eh?
that nite..me and my friend were discussing it..(my 'lowe life' duhh )...and she told me to leave her and stop this mess....told me it would affect me later and she couldn't see me suffer.....was so true....i wouldn't wanna suffer for someone who right at the end moment tells me that dude....u r not the one !!...i mean...WHAT THE &^$% !!!
what have i been doing all this while..trying to make her feel special..trying to give her every inch of my soul..trying to make her happy with whatever little i can......trying to make things work...even without much help from any quarter....and all i asked for in return is some sign which tells me she loves me...is it too much to ask?..
am i asking too much when i say please give me some attention and not the 'boy' you think u like....but r not sure..... am i someone in ur life?....do i have any importance? why do i keep asking myself and you this question again and again...there must be something to it.....
my friend gave me the answer....dude....ur no one in her life....
she is not getting the attention she wants from her guy..so she moved on to you...consciously or uncosciously god knows..but she did....n u r giving her all the attention in d world...may b more.....so she gives u these little hints once a while...n u go bonkers !! ....
n i think.....DUDE I WAS SO DUMB !! how could i not see all this before...how could i let her take advantage of me for so long without realising it...
i do not deserve it .....i do not deserve to be kicked around like this...
she had taken things in her hand far too long....its time i took it back...wrest the powers back in my own hands....so i called it quits !..its over.....nothing new...no new reason...same old.....i did not want to celebrate an anniversary with a girl who does not even know whether she likes me or not...had given her enough time....had taken enough time.............enough is enough........
its over !!
So what has changed....i do not know....this time i did not even tell her its over....i love technology....u can end a relationship through an SMS !!!...wonder when they will have SMS'es that will read..TALAQ TALAQ TALAQ.. and it will all be over in one go !!...in 1 rupee !!...whoaaa that will be some big day i reckon....
anyway..getting back to my sob story...how it happened?....no one wants to know but i want to say..that's what i like about blogs....cool, eh?
that nite..me and my friend were discussing it..(my 'lowe life' duhh )...and she told me to leave her and stop this mess....told me it would affect me later and she couldn't see me suffer.....was so true....i wouldn't wanna suffer for someone who right at the end moment tells me that dude....u r not the one !!...i mean...WHAT THE &^$% !!!
what have i been doing all this while..trying to make her feel special..trying to give her every inch of my soul..trying to make her happy with whatever little i can......trying to make things work...even without much help from any quarter....and all i asked for in return is some sign which tells me she loves me...is it too much to ask?..
am i asking too much when i say please give me some attention and not the 'boy' you think u like....but r not sure..... am i someone in ur life?....do i have any importance? why do i keep asking myself and you this question again and again...there must be something to it.....
my friend gave me the answer....dude....ur no one in her life....
she is not getting the attention she wants from her guy..so she moved on to you...consciously or uncosciously god knows..but she did....n u r giving her all the attention in d world...may b more.....so she gives u these little hints once a while...n u go bonkers !! ....
n i think.....DUDE I WAS SO DUMB !! how could i not see all this before...how could i let her take advantage of me for so long without realising it...
i do not deserve it .....i do not deserve to be kicked around like this...
she had taken things in her hand far too long....its time i took it back...wrest the powers back in my own hands....so i called it quits !..its over.....nothing new...no new reason...same old.....i did not want to celebrate an anniversary with a girl who does not even know whether she likes me or not...had given her enough time....had taken enough time.............enough is enough........
its over !!
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